Put the Past Behind II: Tatooine part I

By Season Irwin and Ginna Wilcoxen

Date: Friday, October 12, 2001 12:10 AM

Here is the next installment of Put the Past Behind..

Octavia was grateful when the time came to turn in. The sun and heat of 
Tatooine was more than she was prepared for. She sat down on the side of the 
bed and cleared her mind before she laid down to sleep.


Dark hunters came out of the alley, blasters drawn. Octavia reached for her 
saber only to discover it was no longer there. Palpatine exited the alley and 
smiled at her. "Nothing you experience is real unless I state it is."

"No, we escaped." Octavia stated firmly. "We're free of you."

"Are you?" Raven Palpatine's image joined her father's. "Are you so sure?   
How many different realities have you experienced? Do you really think we 
would let Jedi gain their freedom?"

Octavia woke wiping the sweat from her face.  Glancing around the room, she 
grabbed her robe and walked out into the night air. The cold dryness hit her 
like a wall.

First it was visions of her grandfather's past that haunted her, made it 
impossible for her to remain on the Electra .  Was she destined to be haunted 
by the memories of her time  on  Zoron?

"Your grandfather was a strong man, but you are weak, passive and 

The phrase rang in Octavia's memory as she stared at the night sky.  It 
seemed like everyone knew what her destiny was to be.  If it wasn't her 
grandfather, it was the Emperor, and now it seemed even Psylocke's mother 
knew what she would do; what she would become.

Octavia lowered her head trying to clear her thoughts. The only person who 
seemed to leave her future in her hands was Master Skywalker, yet he chose to 
bring her back to this planet.  His home yes, but it was also the scene of 
death her first kill…her first murder...

"I assure you, the nightmare will end, Jedi Jinn."  Palpatine sauntered over 
toward the bench and sat down next to her. "You need to know -- I *want* you 
alive, and well-trained - be it Jedi or Sith. We will meet again, but not in 
a dream....no....the next time I see you, you will be a fully trained Jedi 
Knight, Octavia Syn Jinn...and of course, I will turn you to the *Dark 
Side*...or you will die dueling my apprentice in the throne room. It is 
unavoidable, my dear--and it will be my finest hour."

Emperor Palpatine's words rang in Octavia's ears. She refused to believe that 
his words were true, yet there was truth in his words.  She only had to 
figure out which part. Octavia glanced back at the house and the surrounding 
area.  Even though it was open area she felt caged…penned in.

'Get control,' she told herself.  'It was a dream…a nightmare.' 

Octavia found herself in front of the garage area where they had parked the 
speeder for the night. Entering the dark area, she stared at the speeder.  
She could go for open area… the controls were not that difficult to handle 
or to program. Giving in to the need to get away, to move, Octavia piloted 
the speeder away from the homestead and away from Luke Skywalker. She should 
have never come here.  Once freed she should have run as far as she could. 
Should have left the Force behind; the thoughts of the Emperor and his 
desires..should have left everything behind.

As quickly as the thoughts came Octavia pushed them aside.  That was the way 
they wanted her to think. The Emperor would be happy if she gave up, if she 
ran away. No, she wouldn't do that.  She would stand her ground.  But she 
needed time to think, time to realize her own personal goals.

Stopping the speeder out in the open desert, Octavia studied the dark sky and 
the sand that seemed to stretch out forever. Because the temperature was 
dropping, Octavia pulled her robe around her. Enjoying the lack of buildings 
and of people, she pushed back memories of moments in a Force damped cell 
before the rescue. 

Opening her eyes, she watched as the sand began to pick up with the wind, 
blurring the landscape. A sandstorm.  She had read about them on the way 
here.  But it did nothing to prepare her for the strength of one beginning to 
form. Pulling the bubble over the speeder Octavia calmed herself as she 
looked at the instruments: they weren't responding properly.  It had to be 
interference from the storm. 

Sitting back in pilot's seat Octavia ran the course through her mind.  She 
couldn't be more than a couple of miles out from the old burned out 
homestead; reaching out with the Force, Octavia felt the rage of the storm. 
The strength in the winds awed and frightened her at the same time. What was 
she thinking of when she left?  How could she have acted so impulsively? 

'Fear cripples you,' she repeated to herself.  Reaching over, she grabbed the 
goggles that Luke had made sure she'd brought. Octavia put them on and pulled 
her robe tighter around her. She knew she would have to remain calm and 
control her breathing; she knew she should be safe here for a while as long 
as not too much sand drifted through the cracks.  A Jedi was supposed to act 
responsibly and watch out for those they were with, and what she had done was 
reckless and might have put Luke in possible danger. 

Sitting there, Octavia allowed her mind to wander, tried to come to terms 
with the hidden anger that was there. She knew she needed to move forward to 
get over the bitterness, and over the fear that threatened to take control of 
her. What would her father or her grandfather have done? 'They wouldn't have 
run away, that is for sure,' she admonished herself. 'When will you learn to 
take responsibility for yourself?' 

Reaching out Octavia found comfort in the Force, using it to slow her 
breathing down. The sand blowing into the speeder forced Octavia to cover her 
mouth with her robes. The winds from the storm raged around her.  The grains 
pelting the speeder sounded like they would break the bubble. 
Octavia forced herself to think of her father and the happier times she had 
with him. Force, how she missed him. The lessons he had taught her came to 
the surface: the way she needed to rely on the Force, to let it guide her. 
Soon it would be dawn, she realized, and then she could see what the damage 
to the speeder was, and then face Luke and take responsibility for her 

Octavia sat there listening to the storm finally begin to calm down. She had 
listened to it rage during the night, feeling its different pitches. She 
found herself jumping when the bubble suddenly popped open. "Master 

Luke was kneeling on the sand that was piled up around the bottom half of the 
speeder. "I forgot to warn you about the sand storms we have around here can 
get kind of...severe," he stated wanly. 

"I seemed to have forgotten what I studied," Octavia answered slowly. "I've 
caused quite a bit of trouble."

"The speeder engines are buried and we'll need to clear them before we 
continue on our journey." Luke moved his hand, using the Force, to start 
clearing the sand from the speeder. Octavia climbed out of the speeder and 
joined him. It still took quite a while for the two of them to free the 
speeder. Once that was done Octavia checked out the mechanics, making sure 
that the speeder would operate and that the sand didn't do any permanent 

Octavia watched Luke once the speeder was operational once again; she waited 
for the lecture and the disappointment. It made her nervous that Luke had 
remained quiet so far. "I shouldn't have left without letting you know," she 
blurted suddenly.

"You could have used the Force to lead you back to the farm." Luke stated 
calmly, giving her a quizzical look out of the sides of his eyes.  It was 
hard to tell if he was angry.  He did seem to be very calm and relaxed.

"I didn't…I didn't trust my ability to use the Force," Octavia answered. "I 
allowed my fear and uncertainty to freeze my actions." She leaned against the 
speeder. "Perhaps Raven Palpatine was right, I'm too passive."

"Why did she say that?"

"Because we allowed…I allowed myself to be led blindly through the VR dreams. 
I never fought back, never resisted."

"How were you to know they were only dreams? And a Jedi doesn't attack just 
to attack. Raven Palpatine may never learn what a Jedi is really all about."  
Luke shook his head.

"At times, I wonder if I understand." Octavia looked at Luke. "If it wasn't 
for Master D'med and Medenna I don't know if I would have resisted."

"The Light is strong in you, Octavia; you would have resisted else they 
wouldn't have pushed so hard to have you turn."

Octavia let out a breath and lowered her head. "I know, somewhere deep inside 
I know. Now, what do we do?"

"We continue forward," Luke answered. "But to do so, we need to leave the 
past behind."  He smiled kindly at her.

Octavia fell silent thinking on Luke's words. "And to be honest about what we 
feel," she replied. "I don't want to fail."

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