Hi people...Debbie and I are starting something new. Psylocke the the Emperor are keeping journal entries about our training. That way, we can show you all what's going on without having to RP out EVERYTHING and reformat those AOL IM logs and edit and post. I've just been writing these in my notebook when I'm bored. Here's the first one in typed format. I'll send more later. Court Entry One He gave me his journal. My...Master gave me my grandfather's journal. It's still not easy for me to call him Master. I'm so used to calling him "Your Majesty," even after these last few months of training. I'll get used to it though. Before I begin..no, I will begin with what happened to me as I start this journal. I'm resting by the ESD Eclipse's swimming pool. The medic ordered that I relax for a while before returning to my duties, and I'm not allowed to be left alone yet. Too many people are worried that I might try to kill myself again. I could just as easily jump into this pool and never resurface. So as I sit here, there are some young men, younger than me anyway, playing table tennis nearby. One of them hits the ball too hard and it rolls under and past my chair. I lean down to pick it up for them when one of them trots over and says, "I got it baby." I looked up at him and replied. "I'm not your baby, don't call me that." He gave me a sour look, like it was okay to say such a degrading thing to a woman. There is so much sexism in the Empire. I wonder why I put up with it. I bet if he knew my military rank, he never would have said such a thing. I only wish I knew how to choke him with the Force. I will learn soon enough. Someday our paths will cross again, and revenge will be mine. For now, I will store that anger and use it to fuel my training. I like water. I don't mean a single drop, I mean a large body of it, like a pool or an ocean. It's beautiful, and has many moods. Sometimes, it's utterly still, and other times it ripples and waves when something moves within. In a way, it's like the Force. Water is an essential part of life. It can be within you, it can immerse you in itself. It can sustain life and take it away from you. I'm not sure what's next for me. My Master and I have started meditative exercises to control my episodes of possession. It's helping, but I still suffer from them a few times a day. I still can't remember anything from them so far. It's worried so many people to the point where I'm not allowed to have sharp or pointed objects in case one of the spirits tries to attack me again. I know they really think that I'm going to attempt suicide..again. Does everyone think I'm insane? I'm not. I know it. My Master knows it. I'm just empty. It's a strange feeling. I recognize fear and joy and loneliness, but I don't feel them. I don't experience them.
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