Entry Four Nik-vie---I owe him my life. I owe MY life to a Jedi! Part of me is repulsed by this idea, yet I have always lived by a code of honor that makes me respect him for his deed. One of the most profound moments of my life happened in the rebel base when we merged our minds. I felt safe with him, even though I knew he was my enemy. He wouldn't give up on me..he wouldn't give up on my soul, he kept saying. So I withdrew with him, into my subconscious. I took him to the clouds on Bespin. It was my favorite place..still is actually..but now it reminds me of Lon. I felt the sweeping loneliness again. I knew Nik-vie could feel it, and he told me to hang onto that love I once had for Lon. I visualized Lon in my mind, and as Nik-vie uttered those words, I knew it was time for me to let go. Not just of Lon, but of love entirely. If I was going to become a true Sith, I had to forsake love. There is no place for it in the dark side. I stepped up to my visualization of Lon. Then, I hugged him tightly and thanked him for everything he's done for me. I kissed him on the cheek, wished him Godspeed, and let the image vanish. That was what I really wanted to do when I broke up with him. I don't hate Lon. I have no reason to, but now I don't feel the fire that always brought me back to him. I didn't want to leave the clouds. I felt safe there, at peace, but Nik-vie and I both knew that we had to go. Then, he gave me something. In my mind, it resembles a thread of silk, but it is actually a link, a connection to Nik-vie's mind. He opened up a path to me. I don't understand his faith and trust in me. It's still in my head though, like a single strand of a spider's web leading infinitely upward. I am compelled to call upon it, but I know I shouldn't. Then we left, and we were back in the rebel base. I knew what I had to do. I had to return to my master. I had to show him that I had forsaken love. I had to prove to him that I was his vessel, ready and willing to be filled with the dark side of the Force. The Force, like water, flows through us all.
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