Light, Dark and Colors in Between (Part three – Patterns of Light and Dark)

by

John Medkeff and Rebecca Miller

She just gave him a look and then a small smile. "I talked a bit with Keiren earlier. He seems a sweet boy."

"He is. I'm afraid you'll the rest of us rather less sweet than Keiren."

She gave him a questioning look.

"Keiren is a beacon of Light in his little sea of Darkness we have here."

Mikala nodded. "He kind of reminds me of how I use to be when I was small," she said softly. "My Grandmother wasn't all dark. She tried to keep me from that. I didn't have much of choice after my Mother took me. It was either embrace the darkness or die. I wasn't ready to die then."

"I know the feeling. I think I would have been light in another situation. But I was young, angry and there was a very willing Darkside girl in my lap telling me what I wanted to hear."

Mikala smiled at the image. "I'm sure Sandy can be very convincing when she wants to be."

"Yes. And like you I had visions before I came here. Mostly of her face."

Mikala's expression clouded. "I've always tried to stop those dreams...visions."

"I think my mother tried to suppress the Force in me. It didn't work. The Force will not be denied."

She sighed. "Most of my visions have never given me anything but heart ache. Like the ones of had of Du'Cruet before I met him."

"Xanatos Du'Cruet?"

She visibly flinched at the name. "Yes."

He turned and looked at her. "His name appears to hurt you. Why, if I may ask?"

She closed her eyes. "He asked me to be his wife."

"That would explain the visions. What was your answer?"

She looked over at him, her eyes full of anger and pain. "I had told him yes and then he told me he had another woman pregnant and he wanted both of us in his life. After everything I had done and sacrificed for him." She closed her eyes and rested her forehead on her knees.

"Another woman. The oldest conflict. And then what happened?"

She sighed deeply. "I left." She smiled a little. "After I nearly flattened most of one of Alderson's gardens and stabbed him with a piece of a broken flower pot." She sobbed. "Then I foolishly ran my mouth to Alderson. I still don't know why she let me go."

"Tara Alderson?"

She nodded.

"He's under her protection now."

"I see. And you are under mine. Just how mad are you at each other?"

"I will destroy him," she said softly. "I don't care how long it takes me. I nearly went mad for him and then in the end it didn't matter. I wasn't enough for him."

"Does he feel the same way about you?"

"I don't know," she said softly. "I don't know him at all any more."

"How much do you know of his past?"

She sighed and leaned her head back. "He's old enough to be your Grandfather. He spent decades in cryosleep and Mira Lexor thawed him out."

"Because of who her Grandfather was."

"I'm not really the one to tell you about Du'Creut. That would be Ross."

"Ross?"

"My Master, Lord Koross Mathem."

"Oh," she said softly. She huffed softly. "I really don't want to know anything about him. I already know too much." She shifted to wrap her arms tightly around herself. "You have no idea how much I wish I had never met him, but then again, if I hadn't met him I would have never met you or the rest." She snorted softly. "I could have just done without getting attacked by that Jedi." A shudder when through her. "I've never felt pain like that before. Not even...not even after my Mother attacked me."

"The Jedi attacked you? Why?"

"Another in long line of poor decisions I've made. Du'Cruet told me to look up one of his men if things ever went wrong. Well, they did. Du'Cruet got himself captured by the Alliance. I met up with one of his men to try to get him free. His man thought it would be a good idea to capture an Alliance Colonel to use to bargain for Du'Cruet's freedom. We got the Colonel, but things went horribly wrong. I met them when they brought her in and gave her the standard 'you behave we won't hurt you, you don't we'll kill you' speech and suddenly--" She shook her head trying to fight the memories flooding back through her. "I don't...I don't know what happened. Suddenly, there were someone else in my mind trying to rip me apart," she whispered, images flooding through her as the floodgates opened, the shuttle bay, the fire, the excruciating pain, clawing at her very soul.

He closed his eyes and watched the images flow though her mind. "I understand. We will have to teach you how to stand up to that."

Mikala nodded, shifting to hid the tears that had slipped down her cheeks.

"But I think you need to know more about Xanatos. He is connected to us though the old Jedi. You know that he was trained by Qui-Gon Jinn, Octavia's grandfather?"

She nodded.

"My grandfather, Ryolin Kai and Qui-Gon Jinn were both trained by the same Jedi master, Count Dooku. Ross was trained by Kai and in turn trained me. Ross is also Sandy's father."

Mikala turned to look at him, brushing away a stubborn tear that rolled down her cheek. She sniffed a bit. "Grandmother said that everything in life is somehow connected to everything else."

"It often seems that way. Ross knew Xanatos when they were both Jedi Padawans. I think he can help you understand him."

"I don't want to understand him," she told him. "I just want him gone."

"Know your enemy."

Mikala squeezed her eyes shut in frustration. "I knew him. Sith, I shared my bed with him. I trusted him," she said slowly. "I don't trust others easily and," she said her voice starting to break, "I share my heart even less." Tears ran down her cheeks unchecked. "I loved him, Father. I haven't loved anyone since my Mother took my Grandmother away."

"And one should never throw away love, as he did yours."

Mikala pulled in on herself, pulling her knees up tight against her folded arms. She rested her forehead back on her knees.

"Well we can discuss that with Ross when he gets back from Coruscant. I think you will need to be patient about revenge, and so will Xanatoes. For the moment each of you is out of the other's reach. Tara and I cannot afford to make enemies of each other."

He paused. "But someday Xanatoes will betray her as he betrayed you. It's his nature. When that day comes be ready."

She nodded wearily. "I will."

"I think we've discussed enough heavy things for one sitting."

Mikala nodded and uncurled herself. She dashed her tears away with the heels of her hands. Her sleeve slipped up a bit and she caught a glimpse of the hairline scar on the inside of her wrist and she quickly pulled the sleeve down guiltily.

"What happened there? That's an unlikely spot for your Mother to have cut you." He asked.

Mikala's pale face flushed and she covered her wrist defensively. "She didn't."

"That is not a place that gets cut in a fight, or by accident."

Mikala sighed deeply and closed her eyes. "It didn't. One of the many foolish, stupid things I've done in the last few weeks."

"You didn't?"

She gave him a mirthless smile. "I didn't succeed."

"That's an inexplicably popular and totally futile method of revenge."

"I didn't know what to do," Mikala said in a very small voice. "I couldn't cope and I didn't understand why he was so different with me. Master Suragar had awoken something in me I thought was dead. I--" she shook her head, closing her mouth.

"I see. No more of that, in this family we face our problems. Does Xanatos know?"

She rolled her eyes. "He saved my life an act I'm sure he regrets every day now."

"You've really woven yourself a twisted web here, haven't you."

She sighed and then nodded. "Everything has happened so fast," she said softly. "I've never felt so out of control."

"We will put you back in control."

She looked over at him out of the corner of her eye. "I've disappointed you, haven't I?"

"In this, a little. But life is full of disappointments. If you let them matter they will defeat you."

"That was about a week ago," she said softly

"You have had a busy week, haven't you."

She smiled a little. "You could say that."

"I tired suicide of a more glorious kind once. I tried to kill Torion's governor. I'm sure you saw the blaster marks on the wall at the star port."

She nodded. "A very helpful cabby told us a bit about that. You've made yourself quite the folk hero."

"Yes, I have." He laughed. "The younger generation on Torion waits for the day that Torin Stellas returns to lead them in over throwing the Empire locally."

"Not likely to happen," she said softly, leaning her head back.

"No, but my legend keeps them quiet and waiting."

She nodded.

"Of course it also helped that I came back and hunted down the three rebel operatives who betrayed my Father."

She looked over at him and nodded.

"Yes, I understand revenge." He paused. "There is a question you need to ask yourself. Only you can answer it. Is Xanatoes worth revenge? Don't go after him until you're sure the answer is yes."

She sighed. "Right now I'd say, yes, but I don't know how much of that is still gut reaction. I'm still hurting, physically and otherwise."

"I know. That's why I asked. You do not need to decide today. Revenge is meaningless if your enemy doesn't matter."

"I know," she said softly.

"Some on the Lightside think we strike blindly. The Darkness is never blind."

She cocked her head looking at him and then nodded.

She scrutinized him. "Is it true a Sith can read your mind by looking in your eyes?" she asked him, her eyes narrowing a bit.

"Yes and no. It's not necessary to look into your eyes to read your mind, though it helps. But it doesn't always work. Sometimes its easy, sometimes it's impossible. Sometimes another person will broadcast his thoughts so loudly you can't avoid hearing them. "Sandy and I can read each others minds at will, to the point of seeing though each other eyes. That is an effect of love, and years together. Sandy can always find one of the children, though she's losing Lonnie and Tiri. In that case it's a mother thing. And its not just Sith, Jedi can do it to." He finished.

She stared at him. "Can you read my mind?" she asked softly.

"Weaker minds are easier to read, but less likely to broadcast. But yes, so far I've tried not to. Several times you've thrown images at me."

She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said. "I guess that's disappointing," she said, resting her head on her knees again. "Such a weak minded daughter."

"No, not weak minded. The reason I can read you is your emotions are turning up the volume. And you lack the training, not the talent to control them. Emotions make you strong but vulnerable."

"I've never had to deal with emotions before," she said in a quiet voice. "This is the first I've truly felt anything since my Grandmother's death."

"Yes, you have. But you've dealt with them by repressing them. Now you are learning to live with them. Don't feel bad about it. The day my parents died Sandy was reading my mind from the other side of Loradon."

"How do I fix that?" Mikala asked. "Sith, what have I been broadcasting to those kids?" She swore under her breath in Hutt.

"Training. Learning to be master of your mind. It can't be done in day."

She nodded and then glanced back over her shoulder where she had left Keiren and Tana. "How much have they been picking up on?"

"Who? The kids, I'm not sure. Another thing one learns to do is filter out most of what others think. Otherwise it drives you mad. You don't want your head filled with someone else's thoughts."

"The noise gives you a headache," Mikala said with a knowing smile.

"Yes, it can."

"If I ask you how to get rid of that, you're going to say training, right?"

"Yes. The answers are not simple enough to just tell you."

"And I guess you're going to tell me that Force inhibitors aren't an answer either."

"Well they give me headaches. Once the Force chooses you there's no turning back. All you can do is be light or dark."

She nodded and then smiled a little. "Inhibitors give me headaches too." She took a deep breath and stretched out her legs. "I'm sure I must be keeping you from something."

"Nothing that can't wait, but I think you need to think. And you won't do that with me in the way."

She looked at him intently. "Will you train me or find someone to train me?"

"Yes, I will train you."

She looked intently into his eyes and nodded. "Thank you."

"Your welcome. Now you need to go do something more restful."

She smiled. "I think I'll take a walk. As you said, I have a lot to think about."

"Good idea."

Mikala stood slowly and then impulsively gave him a hug before quickly hurrying down the path and out of sight.

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