Water Water Everywhere

By Courtney Kraft

Allyn held the bag of ice on her hand as she walked down the hall and back to her office. Her hand still throbbed, but the pain was fading. The frustration was worse. She was finally getting somewhere, but Vader made her stop. Perhaps the Emperor would be pleased. Perhaps she would get to go another round with the Jedi.

Maybe it was a mistake to take off their blindfolds. They didn’t know her name, but they might remember her face. No…it was important for them to see…especially the other’s pain.

She stopped abruptly as a paranoid feeling crept up around her. She glanced over her shoulder. No one was following her. Still…

She dropped the bag of ice in a nearby trash can and returned to her office.


The clicks of her keyboard were the only sounds in Allyn’s office as she typed up her report. Her gloves and earpiece sat side by side next to the computer. This report was only her account for now. She would have to review the tapes and analyze the vitals reports.

A call from her door signal disturbed her rhythm. Allyn looked up from her computer. Who would be calling upon her now? Lord Vader again? She crossed to the door and opened it.

A woman in a black, hooded cloak stood before her. She seemed familiar. Sith? Then her face registered in Allyn’s memory.

"Psylocke…I haven’t seen you in what…a year?" Allyn greeted casually.

"You interrogated those Jedi," Psylocke stated.

"What of it?"

"I want information."

"That’s classified."

"I out rank you."

Allyn shook her head. "That doesn’t matter."

Psylocke glared at her, trying to think of what to say. "So, can I come in or what?"

Allyn looked Psylocke over suspiciously, as aware as anyone else about Psylocke’s standing in the Empire. "Fine." She stepped back to admit her, then closed the door.

"What do you want with the Jedi?" Allyn casually asked.

"Octavia and Kaliandra were part of the group that tried to turn me."

"Did turn you," Allyn corrected.

Psylocke glanced over at Allyn’s computer. Allyn stepped in front of it. "What part of ‘classified’ don’t you understand?"

Psylocke grabbed the lapel of Allyn’s suit and pulled her face close. "You couldn’t possibly understand what those Jedi did to me. They’ve ruined me. I want vengeance, and you’re going to help me."

"Take your hands off me," Allyn hissed.

Psylocke didn’t. "I want to know about them. I want to get into their heads. You know things."

Allyn pushed her back, but Psylocke held on. "After you nearly betrayed the Empire? Like hell I’d help you. To me, you’re on the same level as your friend Treece."

Psylocke swung Allyn around and shoved her half way across the office. "Don’t you dare compare me to him."

"Why not?" Allyn retorted. "Anyone who defects to the Alliance is lower than the dirt and scum under my shoes."

"I was not defecting to the Alliance!" Psylocke yelled, startling even herself. She lowered her voice and added, "I was going to be a civilian again. Start over…maybe open my own martial arts school."

"You can’t just leave. You swore to serve the Empire and those within it. A bunch of Jedi shouldn’t be able to persuade you otherwise."

Psylocke could hardly hold back the rage that fired up in her chest. "You don’t know what they did to me," she said coldly. "They violated my mind. They forced their way in and lied to me. They made me feel–"

"Damn it, Psylocke! You act like you’re the only victim in the galaxy! You think no one understands what you’ve been through?" Allyn spat. "Well I understand you. I know what it’s like. They know you’re vulnerable because you want to be accepted. They catch you while your weak. When you’re drunk on bourbon or love, it doesn’t matter. They take you someplace private. Their sanctuary, sometimes your own. They caress you. They insist it’s what you want; but you can’t fight them off because you’re so caught up in the drug, in the dream. Then they smile at you."

Allyn started to shake as memories flooded her mind. Psylocke stared at her in shock. She could hardly believe what she was hearing.

"And before you know it, they’ve stolen a part of you. A part you can’t take back." Allyn clenched her fists in rage and turned away from Psylocke. "And for the longest time, you can’t trust anyone. You can’t feel. You can’t tell who’s on your side. You don’t even know who you are!"

Allyn turned back to Psylocke and stepped into her, her aged eyes burning into the youthful ones before her. "You think you’re strong. You think you’re a fighter. But after…you know that part of you is dead."

"What did you do?" Psylocke dared to ask.

Allyn backed off and crossed to a counter at the other end of the room. "I started over. I became a new person. Someone stronger. Someone unburdened by gender. Someone who didn’t give in to anyone." She opened a bottle of Scotch and poured a small amount into two glasses. "Someone who would make her own decisions and smash through the glass ceiling."

She returned to Psylocke and shoved a glass into her hand. "So get over it. It’s done. In your past. Now it’s your time to rebuild. Cheers." Allyn clinked her glass with Psylocke’s and swallowed its contents. Psylocke just stared at the Scotch in her glass.

"What is it?" Allyn asked.

Psylocke grimaced. "I don’t drink anymore. I want to keep my mind clear."

Allyn grinned at her. "Good. You’re starting already."


Allyn sat on the small couch, holding Psylocke’s untouched tumbler of Scotch. Silence had passed too long for Psylocke to be comfortable. She also noticed that Allyn had stopped looking at her several minutes ago. She shifted her weight and leaned on Allyn’s desk, unsure if she should have already left.

"Have you ever told anyone?" Psylocke asked, breaking the silence.

"No…no one knows."

"I won’t tell anyone."

"Good, cause it’s not your place to do so," Allyn scoffed.

"I hear it’s easier if you talk to someone," Psylocke suggested, inching towards the couch.

"Don’t," Allyn said briskly. Psylocke stopped. "Just…don’t come near me."

"Pushing me away isn’t going to help."

"It’s not about helping me. It happened years ago. I dealt with it," Allyn told her softly. "And I can talk to you from where you stand."

"I don’t understand."

Allyn chuckled softly. "Few people do, Psylocke. People like me aren’t usually found in the Imperial Services. People fear me because they don’t understand me. That’s why I’m vague."

Psylocke shook her head, thoroughly lost to what Allyn’s topic was. "And I thought I spoke in riddles."

"If I allow you to get to know me, you’ll eventually understand."

"Does anyone?"

"A few. Some are more keen on sensing these things than others."

"Is this about you being Force-null?"

Allyn burst out in laughter. "Oh goodness, no! Anybody who’s Force sensitive can tell that." She stood and led a confused Psylocke to the door. "It’s getting late."

She opened the door and gently pushed Psylocke through. Psylocke turned to her. "Hey wait. That’s it? We chat about our dark times and it’s over?"

"Yeah…pretty much. Good night, Psylocke."


Allyn closed and locked the door in Psylocke’s face and sighed heavily. She looked at the drink in her hand and downed it. Anything to extinguish the emotional embers glowing within her. Anything to blur the vision of the lovely, violet-haired girl who had so rudely invaded her office.

"She’s an insolent, unruly child," Allyn chastised. She meandered back to the counter, the alcohol in her system starting to warm and numb her limbs. "She betrayed the Empire," she added, as if the reinforcement would help lessen the sudden thoughts that had crept into her mind when they sat in silence. She replaced the tumbler and set her eyeglasses down next to it.

She flopped down heavily on her couch and loosened her tie. "Never do that again," Allyn muttered. "You don’t know who’s on your side, Allyn. And she’s probably too ignorant to ever understand what you are."

Allyn closed her eyes and prayed that the alcohol would grant her dreamless sleep.

Anything…to keep the nightmares of her past away.

Go To:
Cantina Archives
Members Only Main Page
What's New Page