The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered.

The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic number of "0". However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of moron-like particles called "memos".

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in a matter of seconds.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to condense and concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, health care institutions, large American- owned companies, colleges and universities. Administratium can usually be found in the newest, best-appointed, and best-maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration, and can easily destroy any productive reactions and common sense reasoning where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage. Results are not promising.

Authored by: Ken Lipka E-mail me: krlipka@yahoo.com

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