"I am not concerned at how I ..." she sat down. "Damn."
Gar raised an eyebrow and watched her.
She looked at Gar. "I have to apologize to that Caudell."
"Why?"
"Because I insulted him and his Jedi by walking off and not staying. Also because of my impatience ... they now have a worse view of not only Telos but Shardakour. I am not here representing myself Gar, but two planets."
Gar nodded, "Yes that is true"
"So I need to correct the situation and take responsibility for my actions."
Gar nodded again letting her talk.
"Can I ask what your opinion was?" she asked. "I mean if you were in my place."
"I understand why you did what you did, and in your place I might have done the same, however... Given the ... uh... political situation, the more prudent course would have been to have acted as they expected"
She nodded slowly. "Yes, I should have but I didn't. So now I must make amends."
Gar nodded, "I think that's a good idea"
Nyssa sat there for a few moments. "I think I'm going to be sentenced to more meditation."
Gar smiled, "I think you're probably right"
The young woman shook her head. "They seem to be very big on that."
"It could be worse"
"Oh? name something that could be worse than that."
"You could have done the same thing during a training exercise on Shardakour"
Nyssa shook her head. "I could have, but the thing is I wouldn't have."
"I know"
"What do you think of Caudell?"
Gar let out a sigh, "He's very.... Jedi"
Nyssa nodded in agreement. "That is what concerns me. I ...don't think he views us in a good light as it is."
"No I don't think so either, he seems to have little room in his view for those who hold different ideas yet I think he expects people to be impressed by their views and he expects people to be change their views." Gar paused. "He is very sure of his right-ness."
"I'm at a loss in many ways Gar, His way isn't mine."
"It is a good lesson. You need to learn his way, and what he expects, and learn to give him that." Gar looked at her. "Even if you don't accept it in any other way"
"As if learning a new routine or move with the saber or sparing move." she stated.
"Yes, a valuable skill when you need to blend in"
"As Michael does in his profession."
"Not the best example, but yes" gar said with a concerned smile
"I did that at one time ... it is a useful skill." Nyssa mused.
Gar nods, "yes it is"
"Is that what you are doing while you are with Lord Alderson?"
"To a point, I try to stay out of situations where I need to employ that skill."
"I tried. I was required to go."
"You're situation is different from mine, you must use the skill more often."
She nodded. "Yes, and I've not done a good job so far."
"You are learning"
"You as well as others have been patient with me." she watched Gar, "Can I ask you a question and get an honest answer regardless if it's one I would like or not?"
"You can ask"
"Have I been behaving like ..." she paused. "a child? I mean not only here but the time you've observed on Telos as well?"
He smiles slightly. "That is not the word I would use to describe it."
Nyssa's eyes narrowed slightly. "Then what word would you use?"
"Short sighted, or perhaps, narrow of vision"
Nyssa grinned as she nodded. "I am beginning to realize that. The question is now how to change that view. If you see it I'm sure the Jedi see it more."
"I'm not sure the Jedi understand it for what it is. They tend to see things through their world filter, and it causes them to miss somethings at times...as to how to broaden your vision, realizing it's narrow is a big step, the next is continuing to remind yourself of that realization"
She nodded. "I'll be honest, I don't take quick changes well. So much has happened in the past year it's hard to grasp it all."
He nodded, "I understand the feeling well, but I've found that something is always changing, it is best to accept that there are changes, and deal with them as they come"
"Just be flexible?" she asked.
"Sorta, it has more to do with not allowing changes to derail your way of thinking, if every major changes causes you to come unstuck, you'll spend you're whole life unstuck"
"I have allowed that to happen, there are times Gar I feel like I'm 14 again and unsure what to do or how to survive."
"That feeling may never go away" he shrugs "remember that others often feel the same as you"
"If they do, they control it quite well. Even Alais Kyrsk seems to have adjusted better than I have." she looked at Gar. "Have you ever felt of just going somewhere away from everyone?"
A sad smile crosses his face, "Yes I have"
Her eyes widen a little. "I would have never guessed. You seem so .. adaptable." she blushes. "I mean ... even here I would never think you to be a bodyguard let alone one who would teach one to be one. You seem at peace here."
"The illusion of peace was earned with no small effort, or pain" he says, "nor was my adaptation"
"May I ask what happened?" she asked softly.
He smiled, "You may ask, but that doesn't mean I'll tell you" he says not unkindly
"I did not mean to intrude." she nodded. "I hope you find me a better student while we're here as well as when we return."
"You are not intruding, you may ask, and I will politely declined to tell you" he paused. "The very fact you have made the realizations you have will make you a better student"
"If you're going to decline then I will not ask." she grinned. "After all each of us have something that we wish no one to know. Others it's public record." she paused. "I believe I will be more open minded ... but I doubt if I'll be as good as you."
"That doubt is a road block, set your expectations high, the worst that can happen is you don't achieve them fully"
She looked at him. "Set them high?"
"Of course, if you aim for mediocrity, that is what you will achieve"
She gave him a sideways glance her grin widening. "I usually achieve what I set my goals at."
"All the better"
"I have to be honest, when I came here I expected to get a long lecture on how badly I handled myself with the Padawans, yet you allowed me to see that as well as other things on my own. Thank you."
"It is a waste of time for me to lecture you on things you already know for yourself"
"So I learn and continue to go forward then."
He nodded, "that is all one can do really"
"Then what do we do with the past that helped shape and mold us?"
"Remember it, keep it with you... some times cherish it... and live in the present"
"Some of it I will, the rest will serve as a reminder of what I wish to avoid." she rose. "As for living in the present, I do think it's about time I did."
He smiled, "good luck." His tone sincere and not joking.
"First step is to send word to Master Caudell and to apologize, then prepare for meditation exercise."
He chuckled, "Out of curiosity how do you plan to prepare? sit quietly and think about mediation?"
"I think first, not rolling of the eyes when it's given to me is a start and then think about it, agree to it, then do it." she laughed. "how's that?"
He laughed, "That'll probably do it."
"I think so. Though I think Master Caudell will wonder at my lack of protest." she chuckled. "You know what they need here, a dance just like the market place." giving Gar a wink. "Five weeks Mr. Rutile, then no more Jedi Robes and I think my first action back on Telos will be to see Mrs. Connors for one her sweetest pastries."
"I don't know, I'm getting used to the robes, tho a pastry would be nice"
"Then you can wear the robes and I'll buy the pastry."
"Ok" he smiled.
She bowed to him. "Thank you for your time. We will meet at our regular time tomorrow to begin exercises again unless they plan more field trips."
He nods
"Good, then I'll leave you to enjoy the rest of your day."
"I don't think I can wish you the same" he says
"Not fully, no." Nyssa laughed. "My back is safe from the lash so far Gar. Though it will be difficult it has to be done, one cannot avoid duty or the responsibility that it carries."
"No, not easily"
"Exactly, and it's time I quit looking for the easy out. Thank you again Gar."
"Of course"
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